colorful [controlled] chaos

Sitting down this morning, still in my pajamas pre-coffee, I’m preparing myself to write something ~serious~ for this post. However, I’m in a good mood today and not feeling so serious. “Something For Your M.I.N.D.” is playing and the little bit of sun shining into my basement apartment feels soothing, even the unmade bed doesn’t bother me.

This month has been a weird one so I wanna reflect on it a bit. I released my first song in over a year (“Within"), I went through a pseudo-break-up (is it a breakup if you were never “technically” a couple? Yes, yes it is. Because the heart doesn’t always conform to labels). During this I was dealing with “a really bad cold,” at least that’s what I kept saying to everyone. Next day I took a covid test and that red line that marks positive immediately lit up bright red, my first covid infection. The week was a fever-dream where I basically just slept and set alarms to get up and eat and meet composing deadlines. Then somehow I got better for a few days, long enough to speak at the Mondo NYC music business conference, and have a rowdy night for my friend Alex’s birthday. After that, the covid came back. And somewhere between all that my fourth US artist visa was approved, I quit nicotine, and I landed my first commercial in South Africa. I can’t even tell you how this all happened in such a short time. But honestly, it was lit. The good and the bad.

Even though this month has been so chaotic (wow, it’s not even done yet), my outlook has been optimistic, my mood pretty light for the most part, and I’ve been having fun, not taking anything too seriously. I had a therapist years ago tell me I should try “loosen my grip” a bit. I think maybe this is what she meant? Nothing felt tragic or like I can’t handle it. I just rode the storm.

When I reflect on this month, what I realize is that I rolled with the punches. See the thing with being so uptight all the time (which I normally am haha) is that sometimes you can’t handle when things change up on you. But getting to that conference to speak, I realized that being sleep-deprived and in the middle of a writing gig was the best time to talk about writing for sync. I told the crowd not to get into composing for media unless you absolutely love it and you’re willing to embrace the ups and downs. To get a thick skin for criticism. To be willing to lose a lot. Someone asked how I handle rarely winning the commercials I pitch music for, and I told them that even on your worst day someone is paying you to write music and that’s pretty cool. I think I was reminding myself of this just as much as I was the audience.

So yes to the colorful chaos. This month had dynamics. With that being said, it’s time to make some beats for a co-write I have tomorrow. Sending out good energy to you all <3 go have some fun.